Set your goals high but not your expectations. ~Dove

Friday, November 12, 2010

Is it worth it??

Since becoming a Mom, a lot has changed in my life.  A lot of good things seem to have blossomed in my life.  Since becoming a Mom, I have reflected on who I am, and how I want my son to know his mother.  I want to be a role model for him, and I would like him to have his first memories of me be solid memories about things we did together, or how he remembers my personality.

My first memory in my life is when I turned 2 years old.  I remember playing in my bedroom and my father walking down the hallway to tell me there was a surprise for me in the kitchen.  I remember toddling down the hallway (it was a split entry house) and into the kitchen, I climbed up into my metal high chair.  There was no tray and I could sit right up against the table.  On the table sat a small plate with a chocolate cupcake with chocolate frosting, and two candles.  My mother and father sang Happy Birthday to me and I blew out the candles.  I asked them where their cupcake was, but my mother said they weren't having any.  My mother turned and went back to doing the dishes and my father went back into the living room to watch tv.  I am an only child so there I sat and became very upset with my parents.  I wanted to share my cupcake with them.  It was my birthday after all, right?  But my special day didn't seem so special at that moment. 

That memory is so vivid, it's like it happened last weekend.  This happened over 30 years ago and today, my son is a week from turning 2.  I am struggling with how to portrait his future memory of his special day.  My husband and I have been talking Birthday Party talk all week long and my son is truly excited.  He cannot wait, and realistically, he has no idea what's in store for him.  The one thing that worries me is that part of this party will be a memory he'll keep forever, so I'm so stuck on the fact that I need to make sure I make it a good memory! 

My son has made me his rock, he has learned he can give me a hug anytime he pleases, yet he will clearly tell me No if he doesn't agree with me.  I like that about him and I hope he continues to show his independence. 

Unknown to me, my son has become my rock.  My son has added an extra hop in my step and extra pep in my personality.  He's made me feel stronger about my opinions and more vocal about my decisions.  My son has taught me to make quicker decisions and I've learned how to stop being too passive.  After all, I have a kid who needs someone to have his back, keep him healthy, and support his every move.  He's not yet two, so he really needs me just about 98% of the time.  And I don't mind that.  I enjoy being his rock, he's my soul. 

So when it's time to speak my mind, I do it.  I want to be the mother who is willing to stand up for her kid, any time.  My son deserves that.  He's turning 2 very soon and I feel I need to make a good impression on my son.  Call me crazy, but I am haunted by my own 2 year old memory.  So yes, he's worth it, even if I have to fight for it.

What are your earliest memories?  And do they haunt you too?  Have you made irrational decisions in order to become a better role model for your kids?

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