Set your goals high but not your expectations. ~Dove

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Missing the passion

I was never an over achiever.  Never a go getter.  I basically just do what I need to do to get by.  I don't know if this is something I inherited or something I have learned over the years. 

My grades in school were always B's and C's.  My theory was, why do I need an A if a C will be just as good?  I didn't see the benefits.  So that attitude has carried through to my life now.  It sounds silly, I know.

I work full time, Monday through Friday, yes 8-5.  I have an okay job.  It's not something I saw myself doing.  In fact I never visualized the kind of job I have.  I don't know why. 

I always saw myself as a hands on kind of worker.  I like seeing results.  It makes me feel like I've accomplished something.  What I do 40 hours a week is not a hands on kind of job.  But I've been doing the same thing for almost 6 years!  What have I done to myself? 

I don't want to go into what my resume looks like, but when I think about the details, I have a hard time recognizing me.  Have I lost myself along the way?  I took this job thinking, oh I'll be here for a year or two.  Then what?  I look back and my intentions were not about staying long term.  But where would I go or what would I do? 

I feel like I'm at a crossroads again in my life, but with a family this time.  This last time I felt this way was when I was 25.  Oh the quarter life crises saga... Did anyone else go through that?  I certainly did.  And I thought I wouldn't experience that again until I was, oh, maybe 50.

My passion is with my family, my kid.  But I need an income.  I need this balance in my life, but where will it come from?  I've been swirling ideas around in my head and some ideas excite me.  Ultimately, I haven't found my missing link.  It frustrates me and then I plug along until the urge strikes me again.

Well I guess my urge is back and I'm even considering going back to school.  (Sshhh... I don't want to say it too loud.)  Until I know I can commit to something.  But what class would I take?  I suppose I have to think about that some more. 

I do want another baby in a couple of years, and that is important to me.  So whatever happens, needs to be accommodating to my family.  I need to be able to focus on them, but also have a job that doesn't have a grey cloud.

Perhaps my current job would be different, if the economy wasn't in the slump it's in now.  I think the industry I'm involved with is suffering and we're trying our hardest to keep treading.  But I know that when I come to work and it's hard for me to smile and say g'morning, I think I have a problem.  My dreams at night are even portraiting my possible future.  I suppose it's time to really delve into this because I'm missing the passion.


  1. Hey there,
    I found your blog through a random blog hop and I thought I'd leave you a comment. I totally get you - I had the same 1/4 century crisisat (when I was about 26) And that was when we decided to have a baby - and I think that just pushed the crisis out. I currently try to start selling my home made dolls (pics on my blog if you're interested) because I don't want to end up in a job I'm not passionate about...

  2. Hey Sara- I was catching up on blogs tonight and (Something I haven't done in months!) I know this is an old entry and may not be relevant to your feelings right now but it struck a cord with me because I have the same feelings all the time and have for most of my working life. I've always wished to have some crazy passion careerwise -but I just can't figure it out! There are so many things I love to do and I have passion for so many things in my life - but i fall flat when it comes to career. What helps me sometimes is remembering that we are more than our jobs and our jobs don't define who we are. The things I enjoy outside of work- cooking, eating, great books, biking and spending time with people I love matter so much more than what I do for $$. Sure, being frustrated about work always comes back but I think eventually we'll figure it out-it just might take longer than most people.



Related Posts with Thumbnails