Set your goals high but not your expectations. ~Dove

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Can't sleep...

It was around 5:30 this morning when I woke up.  Anything after 3:30am gives me a small amount of anxiety because I start thinking, about anything.  I know this and when I see my clock (not this one) tell me the time anywhere after 3:30, I know my brain is going to start working.  So I guess 5:30 wasn't too bad.  But I was really looking forward to sleeping in till maybe 7:00.  Oh well. 

I do like to enjoy the house be quiet in the morning.  The tinkling of the heat as it kicks on and the warmth trickles throughout the computer room.  I forgot to put my slippers on and creeping back into the bedroom would make me feel like I'm in a combat zone because I'd be tip toeing and ducking while trying not to wake my husband.  He's a light sleeper.

I did try to go back to bed, but I thought maybe I should ramble my thoughts here instead.  The things that go through my head at the early hours are silly. 

Nuk.  That's the brand of the pacifiers my son uses.  We never called it Binky.  Nuk Nuk sounded silly to us so we went with it.  I only use the term when speaking with my son, or husband.  When my son started babbling words, one of the ones he decided to say was Ga Ga.  That's what he was calling the Nuk Nuk.  If we say either term to him, he knows what we're talking about.  So this morning, my mind was thinking about the Nuk Nuk and when to start weaning him off of it.  My thoughts have always lingered around 2 years old because around that time he'll be moving into the big bed.  But I would think I'd need to wean him off of the Nuk Nuk before the transition to the bed.  Right?  Then I thought I would need more than a weekend to transition him from the Nuk Nuk.  But really, how long does the transition last?  My mother was always told by her mother: 3 days.  Give any transition 3 days before the old habit goes away.  So that's what she did with me.  She took me out on our back porch when I was aroun 18 months and said we were going to get rid of the pacifier.  I actually don't know what they called it back then, but my dad refers to it the bink now.  Anyways, my mother and I pretended we were throwing away the bink over the side of the porch.  I watched it go.  That night, I searched for it.  My Mom says it broke her heart to see me search through the corners of the crib.  For 3 days I did that.  And her mother was right.  After the 3rd day, I stopped looking.  It was really gone.  But to this day that memory still breaks her heart.  I guess that is what I'm worried about, will my sons Nuk Nuk hold a guilty memory for me?  I hope not.

Marble.  We rescued Marble from the local animal shelter when he was 1.5 years old. 
This was in June 2004.  My husband and I were living in an apartment at the time and the apartment complex had rules about pets.  They had to be spayed or neurtered.  That meant the cat wouldn't be a kitten.  Then the complex charged a rent fee for pets.  $30 for cats.  Every month for as long as we stayed there.  Highway robbery if you ask me.  But he was a good cat and he was our baby.  He doesn't like to be held though, it seems like he had a rough kitty-hood and was never cuddled with.  It makes me sad to think what he could have gone through.  I don't think he was with his mother very long either because he has attachment issues and will sit on the arm of the couch and lean in on you so close, he might as well be on your lap.  But he won't do that.  He has stinky breath to.  He has really bad gums and we've been told we should pay for a cleaning.  But that's $300, or maybe more if they have to extract a rotten tooth.  We love him and he is an indoor cat and has never done any harm to any of our furniture.  Or has he?  This morning while I tried to go back to sleep I heard Marble clawing at the arm of the couch.  Or maybe his claw was caught and he was trying to pull it out?  No, it was too loud for that.  We used to have a cardboard kitty claw thing in our computer room that Marble would use quite frequently.  There would be reminents of the cardboard pieces and catnip sprinkled around the box.  The box was only $5 but I felt it was well worth the month since he used it.  But then when J was mobile and exploring every crevace in our home (we haven't really baby proofed), Marble's cardboard scratcher had to be moved.  J was starting to eat the little cardboard flakes that were around the box.  Marble is our first baby, but has been a trooper with have a new kid around.  It took him a while, but Marble has warmed up to J.  But after hearing Marble scratch the couch this morning made me realize there are things Marble still needs (ie: toys), and maybe get a new cardboard scratcher.

Coffee.  I've thought about making a cup ever since I saw the clock at 5:30 and have been trying to figure out how to maneuver through the kitchen without turning the light on.  Thanks to the daylight saving time change, 5:30 is like 4:30 still and it's pitch black outside.  Our bedroom is just down the hall from the kitchen and any light from the kitchen would seep into our bedroom and my light sleeper of a husband would blink his eyes and wonder what I was doing.  Yes, there are weekend mornings that he'll actually wake up very early just to have a cup of coffee.  But I didn't trust myself moving through the dark kitchen so quietly.  But since starting this post, the sky has gotten brighter and my husband is now awake.  Only to complain about how low the heat was and how cold he was when he woke up earlier this morning.  The bill last month was ridiculous and for some reason I'm the only one understanding that the heat has to be lower than it has been. 

Oh the warmer days cannot get here fast enough. 

I can't wait to plant my herbs, or even get outside and make a small garden.  I won't be able to do any digging today though, despite the warm temperatures.  Here in New England we could get snow tomorrow if Mother Nature decided to do so.  Any planting will have to wait until May.

And with that, I'm going to go enjoy my first cup of coffee of the day.  My lovely husband just told me it's the brew from Peru.

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