Poker face

I don't have a poker face.  If I'm not happy, I have a hard time acting like I'm not.  Maybe it's because of the environment I work in.  I sit in a cubicle all day and really only leave to get another cup of tea or head out for lunch.  And even then, I'm by myself.  I enjoy having solitude. 

I'm an only child and am the youngest of all my cousins.  So I've been around grown-ups my whole life.  Socializing in a group of people is hard for me and I sometimes steer away from anything that could potentially put me near the center of attention.  (My wedding day was so hard.  I literally had to paste a smile on my face.  But really... It was one of the best days of my life.)

My husband is the same as me, although he has a type A personality and works as a sales manager.  So at work, he is a different person than he is at home.  We are both home dwellers and enjoy being home.  But he'll tell you that's it's not easy being married to me.  (Yeah I'm that much of a *****)... nooo.  What I mean is, he has a hard time reading my face.  Am I being serious or not?  In his career, he has learned how to read body language and how to take those cues to make a sale.  At home, sometimes I feel like he's selling me on something.  Whatever it is, when we're planning our day on a Saturday.  But he has found not knowing my cues keeps him on his toes.  And I don't mind that he doesn't feel the need to change who I am.  Although I do realize it can be hard and I need to communicate better.

Since having J I feel like I have opened up more.  In a goofy way.  I'm very goofy with J and will sing all sorts of silly songs with him, at the top of my lungs too.  And there is no way I consider myself a singer.  Most days in my life outside my home, I find myself to be very quiet.  I just feel like I don't have much to say, that's all. 

So when people see me, usually I have to force a smile.  It's really hard actually.  You see, I have been 'blessed' with the frown.  My mothers side of the family all have this issue and we look like we are frowning.  The corners of our mouth naturally arc downwards.  My mouth isn't as bad as some other peoples in my family.  But we all have it. 

I've been known to have a stare, or stoic face.  Yes, it may look blank, but when people tell me, "you need to smile", it really irks me.  I am smiling, can't you tell?  I'm sure I get that attitude from my father.  He would really enjoy living in the woods of Maine, alone. 

Ironically my son smiles ALL the time.  He is wearing a smile so often that there are days when I'm tired of smiling back.  But I cannot NOT smile at him, he's just the cutest thing.  Ever!  I am so glad he does not have my frowning face, nobody will tell him he needs to smile more often.

After his 1st hair cut (which was hard for him) he still had a smile at the end of our visit.